In the Lens of Webcam

In May, a week before my 18th birthday, I met one guy in N public. He repeatedly offered me work, but at that time, I didn't need it, even though I was getting pennies. We met, he offered me a job again, and out of curiosity, I decided to find out what the job was about and what I would have to do. He started talking about big money, which was easy to earn and the job was only to talk to foreigners. I was comforted, told that when I came to the studio, the administrator would give me a schedule of my streaming, actions, and further content. In fact, it turned out to be quite different. On my first day, I earned 23 cents. My body was shivering all day, even after the end of the day. The look of the person standing in front of you is more readable than the lens of the camera and the bright light in your eyes. The beginning of my work took place in a mask. I wanted to hide my face, so that no one could find me.

BDSM category. I chose this category because I have always been attracted to male domination over a girl. I liked physical pain, and I loved asphyxiation even before my job, so I decided to go for it. I don't want to change the category. I like what I do. I know how to present content. I enjoy the way I am treated. In the eyes of the men who look at me, I am a servant, a slave, but it's me who controls their desires. I like to feel it.

I have thought many times about leaving the site. Yes, the site, because I've been working for myself for some time now, not for the studio. I had an extremely unstable moral state. I started immersing myself, and I was afraid of not getting out of this world at all. There's only one reason I'm still in contact with my surroundings; it's my boyfriend. He thinks I make my living using what's at hand; a job is a job. Every person tries to choose a place where there's more freedom and opportunities. If that place is a webcam, then why not? His support is very important to me.

I left the studio because of the schedule, the administrators, the salary, and the director's new introductions. The schedule was very harsh from 7 AM to 3 AM. I slept very poorly, because I woke up at 5 AM. I felt like a zombie after work. My studio was downtown, and I was comfortable going to work, but over time, they decided to move to a remote area, and I had the realization that I wouldn't be able to live a normal life at all. The new director's introductions were harsh. Initially, the studio had easy rules that were easy to follow: show up on time, don't eat in the room, and interact with people, not the phone. The new introductions were about earning, and he introduced levels: gold, silver, and bronze. Seeing as I was earning more than any other single person in the studio, I might have put up with the new rules, but they sounded delusional, and I didn't see the point of the studio anymore.

I started to work at home from the studio account, threatening the director to leave. He then agreed to my terms. But as time passes, I realize that the studio makes no sense at all, because the administrators do not interact with me in any way. They do not even go to my stream (which is part of their duties). Many of my regular clients and members (people who sit on the other side of the screen) supported me in leaving, as well as all my surroundings.

Everyone, absolutely everyone, who likes bdsm also likes bruises on the model's chest and butt. They think when a slave doesn't agree and limits his actions to her boundaries, she should get hurt. Everyone refers to you as a "whore" or "bitch." You address them as "sir," "master," or "daddy." They have no respect for you, but it's your responsibility to obey them and follow orders.

Members are very diverse in their fantasies. There are different categories of people who like pain and submission, defecation (which is forbidden on the site, but many evade this prohibition), and brutal humiliation.

Some members like it when you choke and take a dildo deep down your throat. The first time I was offered an asphyxiation, I was very afraid to do such things, but as time went on, I even liked it. Choking until you faint, choking when your face turns blue and there are sparks in your eyes, and you do it on camera. Usually, they use a belt for asphyxiation. They wrap it around your neck in a special way and pull it down until your face turns purple. I also recorded a video for a client where I tied a rope to the other side of the door, threw it over, and hung like I was hanging myself. I did this. Also, there are special sticks to put in the urethra. It's very painful.*

*Editor's warning
The described actions may be life-threatening. We do not suggest you try it.

Working in such an unusual field gave me the freedom to fully express myself in sex and my desires. Webcam work took away my modesty, took away my understanding of good and bad actions, but at the same time gave me confidence in my sexuality and raised my self-esteem. I found my taste in clothes and my image.

Free schedule, great earnings, the ability to do whatever you like, as well as the distribution of time. It brings me pleasure, the joy of being open to members as a model. I have no fear of not meeting the administrator's expectations in earnings, because everything I earn I put in my pocket. Members are positive people. I have a regular who likes bdsm and submission, but I also address him as "bitch". We listen to music and dance. I get a rush and money, they get positivity and a smile.

The disadvantages of the webcam are that society doesn't accept you as a person. I had an acquaintance who didn't know where I worked, and he had a very negative attitude toward webcam models, thinking that such people had no opinion of their own. I just laughed at him and got into an argument that ended up going nowhere. It was interesting to play a game with a man who didn't know the truth but couldn't give me an accurate argument.

I'm more likely to say I wouldn't. Webcam really breaks your view of the world around you, but it can teach you a lot of things in terms of intimacy. It breaks your mind, your frame of reference that a normal and healthy person should have.

I don't plan to leave webcam yet. And it's very expensive to develop and open a studio: I need to find staff, I need to find investors. At the moment, I am striving to buy my own apartment, trying to squeeze everything out of myself to achieve the goal.

I would like to tell that girl not to trust people and to never enter into personal communication with those who live on the Internet.