Benefits of Negative Emotions: Why and How
Seven Mortal Negative Emotions: How to Cope and Benefit
Even the toughest nuts experience emotions, positive and negative. The second ones are usually hidden because, as their name implies, they are evil. However, their suppression leads to really terrible consequences for the human psyche.
Marika Magazine tells what is fraught with the "show only your good self" approach and shares universal approaches to ruling emotions.
Marika Magazine tells what is fraught with the "show only your good self" approach and shares universal approaches to ruling emotions.
Is It Really So?
As human beings, we have a rich palette of emotions. Thanks to them, we can analyze our state according to them; we remember them to avoid or repeat the situations we've appeared in; we show without words whether we are excited about the mother-in-law's soup or whether a boyfriend should find an excuse to leave. Emotions are valued to experience, communicate, and better understand ourselves. And it's true for even negative ones.
If you're the one who has a thing for controlling everything, including expressions of anger, sadness, or pity, you simply must open a savings account. It will be useful one day when you mentally go nuts and realize you need many years of therapy. Although they're called negative, these emotions are not evil and have to be defeated, like in a fairy tale. Let them impact your life and do not swallow them to prevent panic attacks, breakdowns, and anxiety.
But on the other hand, we have moments when we are angry with relatives, disappointed in a boss, or want to argue with a waitress who got an order mixed up for the third time. If I should feel each emotion, wouldn't I ruin relationships with loved ones, superiors, and staff? — you probably think right now. Absolutely not; let us take it apart point by point.
If you're the one who has a thing for controlling everything, including expressions of anger, sadness, or pity, you simply must open a savings account. It will be useful one day when you mentally go nuts and realize you need many years of therapy. Although they're called negative, these emotions are not evil and have to be defeated, like in a fairy tale. Let them impact your life and do not swallow them to prevent panic attacks, breakdowns, and anxiety.
But on the other hand, we have moments when we are angry with relatives, disappointed in a boss, or want to argue with a waitress who got an order mixed up for the third time. If I should feel each emotion, wouldn't I ruin relationships with loved ones, superiors, and staff? — you probably think right now. Absolutely not; let us take it apart point by point.
Anger
It's easier to work with it because anger can't be felt instantly. It's a reaction to injustice followed by a wish to eliminate the source. Firstly, you feel lingering irritation, becoming nervous and annoyed. If the stressor does not stop, anger comes secondarily. Your next actions are nothing but the prehistoric "fight or save yourself." Your brain experiences a threat, and it may be directed toward security or one's sense of dignity.
To get rid of anger when you haven't started attacking yet means to get rid of the thoughts that are feeding it. Turn them upside down by describing the situation from a positive point of view. Catch those beliefs that make you angry and question their correctness. In general, the initial, and sometimes hasty, assessment of a situation feeds the flame of anger. So before you cut off your hair because you suddenly realized you hated it so much, recall previous memories when you did the same thing and then dreamed of getting your long hair back in the next few months. It's you who lead negative emotions, not vice versa.
Anger has three possible catalysts. You either can't get your needs met, you feel that your personal boundaries have been violated, or you suppress an emotion, which turns into anger. And if the first two reasons appear because of an offender, the third appears because of you. After experiencing anger and calming down, stop to think about the trigger, as it indicates your values and principles that you cherish so much that you want to fight for them. The trigger is not a threat, but your growth point.
To get rid of anger when you haven't started attacking yet means to get rid of the thoughts that are feeding it. Turn them upside down by describing the situation from a positive point of view. Catch those beliefs that make you angry and question their correctness. In general, the initial, and sometimes hasty, assessment of a situation feeds the flame of anger. So before you cut off your hair because you suddenly realized you hated it so much, recall previous memories when you did the same thing and then dreamed of getting your long hair back in the next few months. It's you who lead negative emotions, not vice versa.
Anger has three possible catalysts. You either can't get your needs met, you feel that your personal boundaries have been violated, or you suppress an emotion, which turns into anger. And if the first two reasons appear because of an offender, the third appears because of you. After experiencing anger and calming down, stop to think about the trigger, as it indicates your values and principles that you cherish so much that you want to fight for them. The trigger is not a threat, but your growth point.
Sorrow
It seems that no one likes sorrow since it shows one's weakness, and being angry is "better" than being sad. Paradoxically, sorrow makes us stronger. It slows us down, and it is needed, like sleeping, another kind of slowing down, after the whole day and evening awake. Sorrow comes with stress when something bright disappears from life. Almost each sphere is put on pause to give you time to recover and reflect. Sorrow helps ask the question, "What do I need to be happy?" and enhances the accuracy of judgment.
Sorrow is one of the continuous emotions that includes stages of protest, humility, and helplessness. If one stifles sadness and does not allow himself to live through it, the chances of psychological disorders and instability increase. And on the other side, age or relationship crises, for example, are overcome thanks to sorrow. If you have problems but pretend it's fine and try to smile, you will be stuck in your current psychological age and unable to go through a crisis.
Make notes on how to experience sorrow. Take a break first; allow yourself to cry and thereby provoke the organism to synthesize the endorphin hormone. It reduces pain and relaxes. And everybody knows the person who will always love you, spend sad and happy days with you, and comfort you 24/7. It's you, so get the warmest Ikea blanket, the tastiest hot tea, and watch the drama "A Dog's Purpose" to feel all the sadness in the world. After all, they say that happiness wouldn't exist without sorrow.
Sorrow is one of the continuous emotions that includes stages of protest, humility, and helplessness. If one stifles sadness and does not allow himself to live through it, the chances of psychological disorders and instability increase. And on the other side, age or relationship crises, for example, are overcome thanks to sorrow. If you have problems but pretend it's fine and try to smile, you will be stuck in your current psychological age and unable to go through a crisis.
Make notes on how to experience sorrow. Take a break first; allow yourself to cry and thereby provoke the organism to synthesize the endorphin hormone. It reduces pain and relaxes. And everybody knows the person who will always love you, spend sad and happy days with you, and comfort you 24/7. It's you, so get the warmest Ikea blanket, the tastiest hot tea, and watch the drama "A Dog's Purpose" to feel all the sadness in the world. After all, they say that happiness wouldn't exist without sorrow.
Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame are similar in some aspects: they help us live in society and become successful, autonomous individuals; they point to values and remind us of societal norms. Guilt has its roots in childhood. When you're a kid, bad behavior is unacceptable for parents and makes you feel guilty. Some parents go overboard and blame it on little things or things that are not the child's responsibility, like, "If it weren't for you, I'd get remarried or finally get out of here." Growing up, a person develops complexes and becomes overly critical of himself. Guilt shows when you need to accept the result and act differently, sometimes after discovering new boundaries within yourself. And shame is an indicator of insecurity and growth-blocking beliefs.
The secret is to use these two emotions as your lever or steering wheel. Templistic but truthful and workable: if you feel guilt, ask yourself if it will matter after one week, one month, or one year. Usually, the answer is negative, so the person realizes that there's nothing to worry about.
The main thing about feeling shame is to shake off an endless scroll through distressing thoughts and inaction. If you want your emotions to upgrade you — act. Apologize to your mother for not calling her, offer to compensate a stranger for damages, and support the friend you've offended. If you are guilty, correcting the mistake you made without fearing it or being hurt will make it much easier for you.
The secret is to use these two emotions as your lever or steering wheel. Templistic but truthful and workable: if you feel guilt, ask yourself if it will matter after one week, one month, or one year. Usually, the answer is negative, so the person realizes that there's nothing to worry about.
The main thing about feeling shame is to shake off an endless scroll through distressing thoughts and inaction. If you want your emotions to upgrade you — act. Apologize to your mother for not calling her, offer to compensate a stranger for damages, and support the friend you've offended. If you are guilty, correcting the mistake you made without fearing it or being hurt will make it much easier for you.
Conflictuality
History shows us that open conflict is not the smartest and most profitable way to communicate. Although we continue to criticize someone on the Internet and argue till fury and tears with loved ones. Those who start to dispute automatically think they and their view are correct. Usually, they also believe that they tell the truth without sucking up or pleasing. But where do we take it for granted that mindlessly saying what's on your mind and not picking up the words is a sign of great intelligence?
In fact, all these TikToks that say, "It's you both against a problem, not you against each other," are right. To make the conflict reasonable and fruitful for both, you need to forget about interrogation, give time and possibility to your interlocutor to speak, listen to him, and express your thoughts clearly. Speak without ad hominem when the argument is refuted by pointing to the identity of the interlocutor.
In fact, all these TikToks that say, "It's you both against a problem, not you against each other," are right. To make the conflict reasonable and fruitful for both, you need to forget about interrogation, give time and possibility to your interlocutor to speak, listen to him, and express your thoughts clearly. Speak without ad hominem when the argument is refuted by pointing to the identity of the interlocutor.
Envy
Most likely, you have childhood memories of a parent whispering secretly to everyone that it's not good to be jealous. You must not want other kids toys, a beautiful figure like that actress, or millions of followers like a celebrity nepo baby. Being envious is a shame — it's a golden rule that has been nurtured in us. Besides, this emotion makes us think we're second-rate.
In fact, jealousy is the greatest weapon that uncovers our sometimes hidden desires and needs, which we do not always comprehend but abstract from. So here's an almost common situation: you discover that some blogger you've been following for five years has an income that's three times greater than yours. And all his stories are about traveling and parties. Dig inside yourself to know your desires from there. It can be a relaxing vacation you haven't had for a long time, the ease of embracing life, or the need for a flexible job that gives you the opportunity to work when you want.
Envy is meant to motivate you and force you to ponder. When you feel it, answer the question, "Does his success reduce my chances for my future successes?" and "What should I do to achieve the same?"
In fact, jealousy is the greatest weapon that uncovers our sometimes hidden desires and needs, which we do not always comprehend but abstract from. So here's an almost common situation: you discover that some blogger you've been following for five years has an income that's three times greater than yours. And all his stories are about traveling and parties. Dig inside yourself to know your desires from there. It can be a relaxing vacation you haven't had for a long time, the ease of embracing life, or the need for a flexible job that gives you the opportunity to work when you want.
Envy is meant to motivate you and force you to ponder. When you feel it, answer the question, "Does his success reduce my chances for my future successes?" and "What should I do to achieve the same?"
Resentment
It's no pleasure when someone insults you, when an acquaintance scolds or humiliates you in public, or when your closest ones don't behave the way you expect. It all calls for resentment. This emotion should be experienced in the right way; otherwise, victim syndrome will appear, in which everybody is guilty of all that happens to you.
Resentfulness is an indicator. If one feels it, it means his pain point was affected. But the thing is that we are offended when we agree with the offender. This emotion is the easiest to manage once you understand how it works. For example, here is the situation when someone comes to you and calls you a dirty man, but you've just gone out of the gym shower and you're a woman. You won't be insulted because you realize that it's not true and the offender is wrong.
Resentfulness comes from your perception of what other people say, your self-esteem, and your beliefs. If you feel offended, ask yourself why the offender wanted to hurt you. This question will shift the focus of perception from your feelings to your thoughts about the motives of the aggressor. Another main thing here is to figure out whether or not they wanted to offend you. Perhaps the offender didn't want to behave like that or just didn't understand that he could hurt me with his actions or words. More than that, but a person will not know what will hurt you if you haven't explained enough or at all that your feelings may be affected in some way. And remember, if you strongly believe that you're gorgeous, no one would ever be right to call you hideous.
Resentfulness is an indicator. If one feels it, it means his pain point was affected. But the thing is that we are offended when we agree with the offender. This emotion is the easiest to manage once you understand how it works. For example, here is the situation when someone comes to you and calls you a dirty man, but you've just gone out of the gym shower and you're a woman. You won't be insulted because you realize that it's not true and the offender is wrong.
Resentfulness comes from your perception of what other people say, your self-esteem, and your beliefs. If you feel offended, ask yourself why the offender wanted to hurt you. This question will shift the focus of perception from your feelings to your thoughts about the motives of the aggressor. Another main thing here is to figure out whether or not they wanted to offend you. Perhaps the offender didn't want to behave like that or just didn't understand that he could hurt me with his actions or words. More than that, but a person will not know what will hurt you if you haven't explained enough or at all that your feelings may be affected in some way. And remember, if you strongly believe that you're gorgeous, no one would ever be right to call you hideous.
Anxiety
Imagine you have a business meeting where your career is on the line. You are to present a summary of the company you run. Some minutes before the meeting, your colleague says they miscalculated, and the output may be completely opposite. You start to worry. About the past, where they made a mistake; about the future meeting; about your career; and, oh my god, about your cat, for which you couldn't buy food because you'd become unemployed. So the anxiety is focusing on the past or the future and repeating the worst scenarios in your head. But you need it.
The more you worry, the more you prepare for the results. Anxiety helps to deal with stress and think about the answer. If you aren't satisfied with the future you worry about, you plan your next actions to get a better outcome. You ask your colleagues about the mistake, redo the issue all by yourself, and present a summary telling about a difficult place of calculation to pay special attention to. You astonished everyone and showed yourself to be an attentive worker.
Those who experience anxiety perform at their best, just like if one is afraid of car crashes, he drives slowly and carefully. The emotions may affect you badly when you do nothing and forget about the present, cycling the bad thoughts again and again. But the problem you worry about doesn't exist when you think about it from all sides, generating solutions.
The more you worry, the more you prepare for the results. Anxiety helps to deal with stress and think about the answer. If you aren't satisfied with the future you worry about, you plan your next actions to get a better outcome. You ask your colleagues about the mistake, redo the issue all by yourself, and present a summary telling about a difficult place of calculation to pay special attention to. You astonished everyone and showed yourself to be an attentive worker.
Those who experience anxiety perform at their best, just like if one is afraid of car crashes, he drives slowly and carefully. The emotions may affect you badly when you do nothing and forget about the present, cycling the bad thoughts again and again. But the problem you worry about doesn't exist when you think about it from all sides, generating solutions.
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